Sadly, Not The Onion.
The Money Quote:
"Becker's national anthem bill would introduce "performance standards" at state-sponsored events, with singers signing a contract before they warble the tune. Schools would also be forced to maintain audio recordings of every single performance of the anthem, in case anyone complained. "I don't think it would be very difficult for schools," Becker said. "You could record it on a cellphone."
Good grief..